Through my own trials and errors of navigating friendships and relationships with men, coupled with the piles of advice wise women gave to me, I discovered the truth about attracting a godly husband. And once you’ve been enlightened by the truth, it’s so hard not to see all the ways people stumble in their search for love.
This post is for the woman who is willing to try. We do not know God’s plan, nor will we ever. However, if the plan does consist of marriage, then we should be going in with intention. We are not hopeless romantics depending on marriage to keep us mentally stable. We are, first and foremost, daughters of the Most High. Anything that is given to us afterward is a blessing.
Be sure to check where your heart is before reading this post. Ensure you are not desperate for “love.” We should only ever be desperate to please the Lord. Okay. Let’s get into this. Here’s how to start attracting a godly husband.
Work on Yourself
Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised. — Proverbs 31:30
The number one thing every woman should be doing is working on herself. If you’re struggling with sin and not getting deep with God, then you need to focus on this first. Now, I’m not saying you need to be perfect before finding your husband, but there needs to be genuine and intentional work on yourself daily. Even if you do find your husband, sanctification never ends.
I’ve heard so many women tell me they want to stop a certain sin or spend more time with God, but when I tell them to eliminate things from their lives and set strict boundaries, I suddenly get excuses upon excuses. They continue to live in their sin and detachment from God and wonder why things aren’t changing.
Perhaps you struggle with purity—invest in website blockers, set boundaries so electronics aren’t in your room, and confess to a sister every day. If you struggle with pride, ask someone to speak into your life and be honest with you. If you struggle with lying, have a sister check on you daily to keep you accountable. And above all, force yourself into your Bible, because Satan is trying to force you away from it.
A godly husband is looking for a wife who cares about her spirituality, prioritizes God, and is willing to make sacrifices to be sanctified. No more “I need my phone as my alarm” excuses. It’s obvious when a woman is putting God first, and men who love the Lord are drawn to that.
Feminine Attracts Masculine
Your beauty should not come from outward adornment… rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight. — 1 Peter 3:3-4
We know that God created man and woman to be together—to complement each other’s strengths and weaknesses, forming a complete and purposeful union. This is the foundation of a strong, godly marriage.
The truth behind attracting a godly husband is leaning into the kind and quiet spirit God created women to have. In other words, God designed men to be masculine in more ways than just physically, and He created women to be feminine in more ways than just physically. We were given innate traits that we simply need to embrace.
Do not fall for either lie that society pushes. Women are neither “just like men, or better” nor are we passive, dumb doormats. Women in the Bible carry these traits: Helper (Genesis 2:18), Faithful (Matthew 15:28), Wise (Luke 10:42), Peaceful & Gentle (1 Peter 3:4), Mothers (Luke 1:42), Persistent (Luke 18:1-8), Devoted (Proverbs 31:30). These God-given traits are not weaknesses but strengths—and they are precisely what attract godly men.
Learn
Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet and listened to what he was saying. — Luke 10:39
In the passage above, Mary demonstrates something incredible. Jewish boys sat at the feet of their rabbis to learn the Scriptures. Women never did, as they were not allowed. Yet Jesus changed that. He called women, just like men, to follow Him, turn away from sin, and grow in wisdom.
Too often, I see women with either a very shallow understanding of the Bible or complete biblical illiteracy. I am not saying women need to be scholars, but every Christian woman should dedicate herself to studying the Word deeply. This will help you recognize a man who also values Scripture—someone who will challenge and strengthen your faith. It also fosters meaningful, theological, and uplifting conversations that build a godly relationship.
Beyond Scripture, broaden your knowledge of the world. Not in a “travel and find yourself” kind of way, but through studying history, literature, politics, and other topics. Again, women are not dumb doormats—we are called to be wise and discerning.
Care For Yourself
Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit… Therefore honor God with your bodies. 1 Corinthians 6:19-20
Here is the reality of finding a husband. How you care for yourself matters. This means, how you eat, how you exercise, how you stay hygienic, how you care for your own space – all of this matters. It’s what would help in attracting a godly husband.
But remember, we don’t do this just to look a certain way or catch our husbands. We do this first and foremost for God because he told us too. Our bodies are truly temples where God dwells, and caring for it allows us to fulfill God’s will. If God wants us to be a missionary, we need to be physically prepared for something like that. If God wants us to be mothers, again, we need to be physically prepared to carry kids, chase around kids, and care for them ourselves.
And this obedience in God’s command to us is visible to those around us. It’s evident through our energy, through our joy and through our perseverance that people can see how well we care for ourselves. And all of this eventually comes into fruition through how we look in general. When you care for your body, you show that you care. You dress nicely rather than lazily. You do your hair, rather then just tie it up. These are things men can see.
Have Standards
Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness? 2 Corinthians 6:14
To my dear sister who feels heartbroken and hopeless through the journey of finding a husband – you remain absolutely valuable to the Lord.
As Christians, we must always remember that Jesus comes before everything. Loving God is our number one priority. We do not need to be married, no matter what society or Satan may be telling you. If you desire love, lean into the Lord more.
We are valuable in God’s eyes. We do not let just any guy come into our lives and give us what we think is love. I will always remember this quote from Perks of Being a Wallflower:
“Why do the nice people choose the wrong people to date?”
“We accept the love we think we deserve.”
Our insecurities are powerful. We must first remember how valued and how loved we are by God. From there, we courageously and confidently put up biblical standards for the husband we want. The obvious standard is that they are like Christ. Of course no man will be perfect, but there are men striving for perfection. Study the word for yourself and look at the traits and the convictions that you hold tightly in your own heart and remember them as you search. Having security in Christ is what would be attracting a godly husband.
Keep Men At Arms Distance
I adjure you,[a] O daughters of Jerusalem,
by the gazelles or the does of the field,
that you not stir up or awaken love
until it pleases. Solomon 2:7
I heard this quote from the book “The Shaping of a Christian Family” by Elisabeth Elliot. “Keep men at arms distance.” It was advice her mother had given her when it came to men. She was young, but the mother saw the need for this wisdom. And I see it even more clearly today.
Dating in general has become so “casual” that young men and women date simply for fun rather than with a plan. Having this mindset won’t help in attracting a godly husband.
I’ve seen this secular culture seep into the church where people who like each other act as if they are already dating. They hang out, are “exclusive” and all these things, but not dating yet. This pushes away potentiality for future prospects, while also creating too much room for heartbreak before it should have happened. Even more so, I see these “friends” completely isolate themselves and focus on each other only. Elliot’s mother was wise in saying to keep men at arms length.
I did this with my husband. Dating should be the intention to get married. My husband was such a great friend to me when we were young. We laughed together, and related on so many things, but not once did I isolate myself with him. His friends were my friends and vice versa. Once in awhile, in his pursuit of wanting to date me, he would take me on some double dates. And I would kindly accept any calls he wanted to have with me.
It was only when he asked me to be his girlfriend that I gave my attention to him more. That I made it obvious he was now on the road to possible marriage with me. This kept our hearts pure, it kept our friendship stronger than a potential dating relationship, and it just let us enjoy being friends.
Build Friendships with Men
And the twelve were with him, 2 and also some women who had been healed of evil spirits and infirmities: Mary, called Magdalene, from whom seven demons had gone out, 3 and Joanna, the wife of Chuza, Herod’s household manager, and Susanna, and many others, who provided for them[a] out of their means. Luke 8:1-3
I swear some women think that if they sit back and relax, their one true love will suddenly appear and sweep them off their feet. Perhaps this has happened before, but I can guarantee the rarity of this.
The reality is that, even outside of marriage, men and women are always working together. We see that in society where women fill certain job titles that are best suited for and most wanted by women, and men vice versa. In the scriptures, the women were there supporting Jesus through his ministry. There is no doubt the men and women feasted together, went to weddings together, prayed together and more. Apart from obvious inappropriate interactions with the opposite sex (deep emotional conversations, alone time, physical touch, etc.), men and women were meant to be in each other’s circles.
So why have so many women chosen to not have male friends? I used to fall in love with the first man who was nice to me, because I didn’t know what it meant to be friends with a man. This immediately turns potential friendships away. The great thing about the church is that we have the freedom to build friendships with our brothers. They’re literally in front of us.
And don’t fall into the trend of “friend-zoning” your guy friends. You enjoy your friendships and pray to the Lord to open your heart where he thinks is best. It also lets men know that you’re not a closed book.
Don’t Pursue, But Encourage
Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. Genesis 2:24
One of the biggest misconceptions I see in Christian women today is the idea that we need to be actively pursuing a man. Now, I understand where the temptation comes from. If we want something, we go after it, right? But when it comes to marriage, we need to trust in God’s design.
Scripture is clear: the man finds the wife. This doesn’t mean we sit in a tower waiting to be rescued, but it does mean we should not be chasing after men. Godly men are looking for godly women who know their worth and rest in Christ. If you are running around dropping hints, sending excessive messages, or manipulating situations to get a man’s attention, you are taking matters into your own hands rather than letting God lead.
What we can do, however, is encourage a man’s leadership and pursuit. We can show interest in a way that does not undermine the roles God has set in place. If a godly man reaches out, respond with kindness and openness, but let him take the lead. I made snacks for my husband, wrote him thank you letters for anything kind he did for me and always complimented traits of his I liked. If a man is serious about pursuing you, he will do so. If not, then move forward without wasting time.
Trust in the Lord’s timing. The right man will not need to be chased—he will be intentional about you.
BONUS: About Singlehood
An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord’s affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit. 1 Corinthians 7:34
I want to make something very clear. Before all else, we are first daughters of God. And if singlehood is the season you are in right now, I encourage you to never look negatively towards it. Being single gives you so much freedom to serve the Lord wholeheartedly.
Paul was correct when he talked about our hearts being divided when we are married. As a married woman I can confirm that. My duties as a disciple to share my faith, and to serve the church all come second to my daughters and my husbands needs. But you as a single woman have the time and capacity to give as much as you can to God.
Of course, pray to the Lord for your future and his plan for it. But also pray he reveals how he wants you to serve Him. For a time when I was single I was running a purity group for women while also helping with the worship and a lot of online website work. I loved doing everything I could for God, and I’m grateful I took advantage of my season of singleness to do everything I could for God. I pray you carry the same heart. We live first and foremost for Christ.
Good luck attracting a godly husband sister 🙂
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